Meme Tuesday - Improvements to SQL Server

06 December 2011

Why So Serious?


Yesterday's funny post was about Meme Monday.

Today's post is the sequel: Meme Tuesday. This is a more serious post.

Here's a list of features and changes I wish Microsoft would make:

  • Dynamic query re-optimization. If a query is doing badly, have the SQL engine detect that and re-optimized it on the fly for better performance.
  • Give the MVPs even more influence over which SQL Server products are developed.
  • Give DBAs the ability to create filegroups in tempdb, and assign different tempdb usages to each. I'd love to have user temp tables, sorts, hashes, RCSI data, and rollback data be separated, so I can tune them separately.
  • Make Enterprise features available in Standard edition. Table compression and backup compression are at the top of my list.
  • Object-level and index-level backups and restores. I would love to choose which of my nonclustered indexes to back up, because I don't need most of them in emergencies.
  • Let companies build their own PDW instances. Very few companies can afford the multi-million dollar price tag attached to a PDW appliance. They'll usually pay somebody to change the code rather than
  • Add built-in support for code libraries.
  • Change your SQL Server 2012 licensing scheme to be roughly on par with the old prices. The current increase in prices is going to encourage adoption of NoSQL and open-source alternatives.

Meme Monday - Presents from Microsoft

05 December 2011

It is Meme Monday once again. The question this time is, "What should Microsoft leave under my tree this year?"

I want the ability to control my SQL Server databases using a Kinect. For example:

Hold a Knife = Kill a spid.

Point at the screen = sp_who2

Point and speak with a Boston accent = sp_whoIsActive

Kill a Kitten = Shrink a Database

Frown = Grant Permissions

Smile = Revoke Permission

Kick = Punish the developer who wrote LINQ on your production DB

Hold up a math book = Update Statistics